10 Unhelpful things we say to ourselves (and what to do instead)!
You may or may not have heard or been told - Your words matter! but what we don’t always know (or find it hard to recall in those moments we would benefit from) is that how we speak to ourselves is THE most important!
Ultimately, I feel that this paves the way to how we judge others (with spoken or unspoken words…thoughts are words too <3)
So without risking getting too deep too quick - lets chat!
The words we silently whisper to ourselves
These internal dialogues with ourselves shape our reality, influence our emotions, and even impact our physical well-being. In this journal entry, we're gonna explore common unhelpful self-statements, understand why they can be damaging, and learn how to reframe them into empowering mantras.
I kind of wanted to approach this in a practical way! So when reading the self-talk statements,
Take a breath, let how this statement makes you feel (so you pull away, does it feel heavy, constrictive etc
Reflect on Why it hurts and maybe reflect on your own personal experience
Try on the Re-frame (it can feel awkward but tweak and repeat until you land on something for you
Journal Prompt - a lot of our self-talk stems from beliefs, stories, conditioning AKA it’s not really our most authentic self’s voice - Give these parts of you a chance to speak (love the Self Dialogue Workbook for these types of practices)!
Let's dive into the world of self-talk - also, and I promise I won’t make asking anything of you a prerequisite however, if we can come at this from a place of curiosity (exploration), compassion (if you pick up on any that resonate), and a desire for transformation the change you seek flows more easefully (ahhh love that word ;))
1. "I'm such an idiot."
Why It Hurts: This phrase is a direct attack on your self-esteem. It's like telling yourself that you're not worthy of forgiveness or understanding.
Reframe It: "I'm learning and growing every day."
Journal Prompt: "What triggered me to say this? How can I approach similar situations with more kindness towards myself?"
2. "Just calm down."
Why It's Unhelpful: It's like telling a storm to stop raging. This phrase often invalidates your feelings instead of addressing the root cause.
Reframe It: "It's okay to feel this. Let's explore why I'm feeling upset."
Journal Prompt: "What emotions am I trying to suppress with 'calm down'? How can I acknowledge and process these feelings healthily?"
. "Anybody could have done what I did."
Why It Diminishes You: This statement strips away your unique contribution and effort.
Reframe It: "I brought my unique skills and perspective to this achievement."
Journal Prompt: "Why do I feel the need to downplay my achievements? How can I start celebrating my successes?"
4. "I want to be like [someone else]."
Why It's Limiting: While it's great to have role models, this phrase can lead to unhealthy comparisons.
Reframe It: "I am inspired by [person], but I am also proud of my unique journey."
Journal Prompt: "What qualities do I admire in others? How can I cultivate these qualities in my own life while appreciating my uniqueness?"
5. "I'm not smart enough."
Why It's Restrictive: This belief can stop you from trying new things and stunt your growth.
Reframe It: "I have the ability to learn and grow in areas that interest me."
Journal Prompt: "What are the areas I feel less confident in? How can I approach learning in these areas with curiosity and openness?"
6. "I'm too old."
Why It's a Myth: Age is not a barrier to growth, learning, or pursuing dreams.
Reframe It: "Every age brings new opportunities for growth and learning."
Journal Prompt: "What dreams have I put on hold due to age? How can I start pursuing them now?"
7. "I'm not ready."
Why It Holds You Back: Often, this is fear speaking, not reality.
Reframe It: "I am prepared enough to begin, and I will learn more along the way."
Journal Prompt: "What am I afraid of? How can I address these fears and take the first step?"
8. "I should do XXX."
Why It's Pressuring: 'Should' often comes from external expectations, not your own desires.
Reframe It: "I choose to do what aligns with my values and brings me joy."
Journal Prompt: "What are the 'shoulds' I impose on myself? Are they truly what I want?"
9. "I shouldn't do XXX."
Why It's Limiting: This can prevent you from exploring new opportunities.
Reframe It: "I will consider if this aligns with my values and brings me fulfillment."
Journal Prompt: "What are the things I avoid due to fear or judgment? How can I explore these with an open mind?"
10. "I don't know how."
Why It's a Barrier: This statement can stop you from learning and growing.
Reframe It: "I am open to learning and discovering new ways."
Journal Prompt: "What new skills or knowledge do I want to acquire? What are the first steps I can take?"
As you start reframing these statements, remember that it's a process. These new phrases might feel unfamiliar at first. Approach them with curiosity. Notice how they make you feel. Are they empowering? Do they bring a sense of relief? It's okay if they don't resonate immediately. The key is to keep exploring and adjusting.
The Power of Words on Our Somatic Self: Our words have a profound impact on our physical selves. Negative self-talk can manifest as tension, stress, and even physical pain. Conversely, positive, empowering self-talk can promote a sense of well-being and relaxation. Notice how your body responds as you shift your internal dialogue.
Seeking Help When Needed: Some beliefs are deeply ingrained, and it's okay to seek help in unraveling them. At Expressive Freedom Counselling, we understand the power of words and thoughts. Our sessions are designed to help you unearth and unlearn these adaptive beliefs, providing a safe space for exploration and growth.
Transforming our self-talk is a journey towards a more empowered and connected self. It's about recognizing the power of our words and choosing those that uplift and support us. Remember, the words we whisper to ourselves are powerful. Let's make them kind, compassionate, and empowering.
If this has expanded your desire to further journey the path from feeling stuck to LIVING & THRIVING in your own authentic FREEDOM as we find your inner resources, unlearn non-deserving beliefs, close looping patterns and connect to your true nature & EXPRESSION, contact Nicole and schedule a Free Discovery Call today.
